So, I've been trying this new thing lately. It's called "being alone and not being depressed about it" and, so far, it's working out really well. Word on the street is that if you ever want to be in a healthy relationship, you must first get to really know yourself and be happy just being with you. I thought it sounded crazy enough to work. And it IS working! I spent this weekend entirely alone. I went to the Santa Claus Parade alone, I had an awesome supper and watched a movie alone, I read, I cleaned, I watched TV and, at the end of it all, I watched the Riders kick some Calgary ass all the way to Grey Cup. Alone. And guess what? I had a really great weekend. It turns out, I'm pretty awesome! I think this is the beginning of great things to come. I'm really happy with my new found friend and I'm going to do a lot more things alone and have fun doing them. So screw you society and your coupley rules. Maybe I'll just go solo forever! Right now, I'm pretty ok with that.
** ** **
Reason why I'm 80 years old #54:
Last night I didn't really get a lot of sleep. For one thing I was pretty pumped up about the football game, and for another, I had to get up to go to the bathroom seven times. SEVEN TIMES. My Grandma doesn't have to get up to go to the bathroom seven times. I'm assuming. I think what I might just do from now on is wear a diaper. I'm single so, really, no one will know I will be wearing a diaper but me. I guess that's another good thing about being alone. You can totally wear diapers to bed. I'm going to have a sweet sleep tonight.
** ** **
I am currently on 4 different kinds of medications for my post H1N1 pneumonia. It's pretty awesome. Two of those kinds are different forms of steroids. I really am hoping this doesn't lead to some form of roid rage. Although maybe I'll do something super bad ass and throw a dumbbell through a window or something. That would be cool. Or maybe I'll just ram a shopping cart into some hillbilly at Walmart. That's actually something I'd probably do anyways. At least I haven't started balding or developed a horrifying case of back acne. Yet. That would be hot. I can, however, breath again though and the feeling of actually getting full supplies of oxygen into my lungs and not wanting to pass out after walking from the couch into the kitchen is pretty much the best feeling ever.
Although I'm guessing the feeling of never having to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom is a pretty close second. I'll let you know.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Time, she is a wastin'.
It's 5:30 am and I just had a really important dream I think, so I'm lying in bed thinking about the dream and it's significance, and I decide that I really should write this down so I don't forget and I can think about it later and possibly get some advice on what to do about it, so I get out of bed and look out the window and it's REALLY foggy out and I see lights on in some of the apartments and I think, wow, there are actually people up at 5:30 on a Sunday morning but then I think that they're probably fun people who just got back from a party and not up taking another round of cough medicine and writing an incoherent blog post. Whatever. Jerks.
So, anyways, it was a short dream and in it I'm talking to my Dad about how I'm always scared that I'm running out of time and how, since I was a kid, any panic attacks or any anxiety I was feeling, no matter what the situation, always came from the feeling that I was going to run out of time. And I said to my Dad that I knew it was stupid because there was nothing I could do about time and the fact that it exists and constantly moves forward, but I still feel that way and it scares the crap out of me.
And then I woke up and my chest was tight and I was really really awake, because I finally got it. I finally understood what the hell was wrong with me and why I keep moving from one job and one place and one relationship to another and never stopping or settling down or enjoying what I have. I'm so very terrified that I'm going to run out of time.
Ever since I was a little kid, I remember being really sad when something good was over. Whenever something like Christmas, or a play I was in ended, I would get depressed for weeks. I never could comfort myself by accepting that Christmas would happen again next year or that I would be in another play or do something else fun. I never saw past the end. Time went too fast. Everything fun went too fast. Everything ended. One time, when I was quite small, I confided to my Mom that I was sad because time went too fast and she told me offhandedly that it went even faster when you got older. I think, totally unknown to her, that was the most devastating thing she could ever say to me. I still remember what a crushing blow that was.
As I got older, I was able to comfort myself that Christmas does indeed come again and fun things will always continue to happen, and while I was a bit sad when things ended, I didn't fall into week long depressions.
However, with age, also came the understanding that time does go faster, and it seems that I've replaced the depression about things ending, with the paralyzing fear that there are things that I'm never going to be able do.
It struck me tonight that, for the past decade or so, I've been in this rush to do everything and see everything and experience everything before I run out of time. I'm obsessed with time. I can't waste it, heaven forbid. I can't be doing something useless. If I have a free moment I can't do nothing. I have to do something. I have to fill the time with something useful. I can't stop. Everything has to be done efficiently and everything has to be done fast so I can hurry and move on to the next thing.
I panic if I think I can't get things done in the magical time frame that I've allotted myself. I've panicked when I thought I didn't have time to finish a project for school. I've panicked when I thought I wouldn't get something done for work on time. I constantly panic when I think I'm getting older by the second and soon it will be too late to have kids.
Once at a life coaching session, I was asked what I thought my biggest fear was. I said it was being alone. But I was wrong. It isn't being alone. It's running out of time. I'm so scared that I'm going to run out of time that the moment I get a slight indication that I might possibly be wasting it, I bail and boot it over to the next thing. Had a bad day at work? NEW JOB! Feeling kind of down? MOVE TO ANOTHER CITY! HURRY! YOU CAN'T WASTE TIME BEING UNHAPPY! YOU MUST BE DOING THE WRONG THING! GO TO THE NEXT THING! GO GO GO! It's truly exhausting.
Now, to state the obvious, my fear is actually based on reality. I am going to eventually run out of time. Everyone does. So I guess now that I know what the driving force behind my neurotic behavior is, I just have to figure out how to deal with it. I'm going to have to figure out how to slow down and make decisions that aren't based on fear of everything ending. I know 34 isn't that old if you put it into perspective. But sometimes it really feels like it.
I wish my Dad would have told me what to do in my dream. Thanks a lot DAD. Maybe I'll call him later. Or maybe I'll just go back to sleep and see if I can figure it out. I feel better after writing it down though.
Now I'm tired. I guess because it's 6:30 IN THE MORNING. What the hell am I doing up right now. I'm going back to bed.
So, anyways, it was a short dream and in it I'm talking to my Dad about how I'm always scared that I'm running out of time and how, since I was a kid, any panic attacks or any anxiety I was feeling, no matter what the situation, always came from the feeling that I was going to run out of time. And I said to my Dad that I knew it was stupid because there was nothing I could do about time and the fact that it exists and constantly moves forward, but I still feel that way and it scares the crap out of me.
And then I woke up and my chest was tight and I was really really awake, because I finally got it. I finally understood what the hell was wrong with me and why I keep moving from one job and one place and one relationship to another and never stopping or settling down or enjoying what I have. I'm so very terrified that I'm going to run out of time.
Ever since I was a little kid, I remember being really sad when something good was over. Whenever something like Christmas, or a play I was in ended, I would get depressed for weeks. I never could comfort myself by accepting that Christmas would happen again next year or that I would be in another play or do something else fun. I never saw past the end. Time went too fast. Everything fun went too fast. Everything ended. One time, when I was quite small, I confided to my Mom that I was sad because time went too fast and she told me offhandedly that it went even faster when you got older. I think, totally unknown to her, that was the most devastating thing she could ever say to me. I still remember what a crushing blow that was.
As I got older, I was able to comfort myself that Christmas does indeed come again and fun things will always continue to happen, and while I was a bit sad when things ended, I didn't fall into week long depressions.
However, with age, also came the understanding that time does go faster, and it seems that I've replaced the depression about things ending, with the paralyzing fear that there are things that I'm never going to be able do.
It struck me tonight that, for the past decade or so, I've been in this rush to do everything and see everything and experience everything before I run out of time. I'm obsessed with time. I can't waste it, heaven forbid. I can't be doing something useless. If I have a free moment I can't do nothing. I have to do something. I have to fill the time with something useful. I can't stop. Everything has to be done efficiently and everything has to be done fast so I can hurry and move on to the next thing.
I panic if I think I can't get things done in the magical time frame that I've allotted myself. I've panicked when I thought I didn't have time to finish a project for school. I've panicked when I thought I wouldn't get something done for work on time. I constantly panic when I think I'm getting older by the second and soon it will be too late to have kids.
Once at a life coaching session, I was asked what I thought my biggest fear was. I said it was being alone. But I was wrong. It isn't being alone. It's running out of time. I'm so scared that I'm going to run out of time that the moment I get a slight indication that I might possibly be wasting it, I bail and boot it over to the next thing. Had a bad day at work? NEW JOB! Feeling kind of down? MOVE TO ANOTHER CITY! HURRY! YOU CAN'T WASTE TIME BEING UNHAPPY! YOU MUST BE DOING THE WRONG THING! GO TO THE NEXT THING! GO GO GO! It's truly exhausting.
Now, to state the obvious, my fear is actually based on reality. I am going to eventually run out of time. Everyone does. So I guess now that I know what the driving force behind my neurotic behavior is, I just have to figure out how to deal with it. I'm going to have to figure out how to slow down and make decisions that aren't based on fear of everything ending. I know 34 isn't that old if you put it into perspective. But sometimes it really feels like it.
I wish my Dad would have told me what to do in my dream. Thanks a lot DAD. Maybe I'll call him later. Or maybe I'll just go back to sleep and see if I can figure it out. I feel better after writing it down though.
Now I'm tired. I guess because it's 6:30 IN THE MORNING. What the hell am I doing up right now. I'm going back to bed.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Get your freak on.
I was driving to work the other day and found myself behind a van with the name "T & A Cleaning Supplies" stenciled on the back. Is it just me or is that a really unfortunate choice of initials for a company name? No? Just me? Ok.
** ** **
I'm still loving my new place for those who are wondering. It doesn't have a lot of counter space in the kitchen though so I went to Walmart to buy one of those cool microwave stand hutch things but apparently microwave stand hutch things are really expensive and so is anything even remotely close to a microwave stand hutch thing and it turned out that I could only afford a card table that was on sale so I put my microwave on that but it's really not sturdy and sort of dips in the middle so I had to put a pie plate half under the microwave so I could open the door. I think tomorrow I'm going to phone one of those home decorating magazines and ask if they want to take a picture of my kitchen because this card table/pie plate thing I got going on looks pretty fantastic. Hardly hillbilly at all.
** ** **
Today is Remembrance Day in Canada. It's the day when we remember all the men and women who fought for our country and things of that nature. Everywhere in Canada on the 11th day of the 11th month at the 11th hour, everyone stops for two minutes of silence and pays respect to those who fought for our country.
At the gym in which I work, there were posters announcing the fact that at 11:00am today, everything would stop, and we would have our two minutes of silence. "What a great idea!" I thought, and I arrived at work with a poppy on my uniform, ready to take part. In Saskatchewan, Remembrance Day is a holiday and I always go to the ceremony at the cenotaph but apparently in Ontario they don't really care about things like this for some reason because I guess it's not important anymore? I don't know. Anyways, I digress.
At about 10:55 I sat myself down in the office and started working on training programs, waiting for the music to go off in the gym to give me a cue that the moment of silence was taking place. But it never went off. And then I realized that everyone had already started because it was happening on TV. So I jumped up and stood with the others, waiting for someone to please for the love of god turn off the crappy dance hits music that plays endlessly every day, but no one did. So we all just stood there and paid our respects with Miley Cirus in the background letting us all know that there is a party in the USA over and over again. We get it Miley. There's a party.
And then, after the two minutes was over, everyone went back to their training. Until the people at the front desk realized that they had forgotten the moment of silence and somehow didn't notice everyone else in the gym standing with their heads bowed, so they decided to have the moment of silence at 11:15 instead and turned off all the lights and music and everyone else in the gym, who had done this once already, looked around at each other wondering what the hell was going on.
And then, as the topping of the Remembrance Day cake, the group exercise instructor came running out of the room where she was instructing a class, freaking out because SOMEONE TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TURN ON THE LIGHTS?
So that was pretty much an embarrassment for all Canadians everywhere.
** ** **
Speaking of embarrassment, my brother and I went out for lunch today to Wendy's which was not my choice but whatever, so he could give me my birthday present which he had forgotten to give me on the day I moved, and I'm eating one of their craptacular salads and I just start coughing in the middle of a bite and, I'm not even kidding, had probably one of longest, loudest coughing fits of all time. I have never coughed that long or that violently in my life. I'm guessing it went on for 10 minutes. And I couldn't catch my breath and I tears were running down my face and I was gagging and wheezing and people were watching me and probably cursing me because I had brought the plague to Wendy's. It was so fucking awesome and hardly embarrassing at all. And my brother just looked like he wanted to run away. And did at one point to get me another napkin. And then, after I was finally done, I could barely talk for fear of setting myself off again and was so exhausted that I could barely carry on a conversation. So the lunch ended a bit early. Which was, I'm pretty sure, a huge relief to my brother because that meant he no longer had to sit with the coughing freak. At Wendys. *I* was the freak at Wendys.
It was a very proud day for everyone.
** ** **
I'm still loving my new place for those who are wondering. It doesn't have a lot of counter space in the kitchen though so I went to Walmart to buy one of those cool microwave stand hutch things but apparently microwave stand hutch things are really expensive and so is anything even remotely close to a microwave stand hutch thing and it turned out that I could only afford a card table that was on sale so I put my microwave on that but it's really not sturdy and sort of dips in the middle so I had to put a pie plate half under the microwave so I could open the door. I think tomorrow I'm going to phone one of those home decorating magazines and ask if they want to take a picture of my kitchen because this card table/pie plate thing I got going on looks pretty fantastic. Hardly hillbilly at all.
** ** **
Today is Remembrance Day in Canada. It's the day when we remember all the men and women who fought for our country and things of that nature. Everywhere in Canada on the 11th day of the 11th month at the 11th hour, everyone stops for two minutes of silence and pays respect to those who fought for our country.
At the gym in which I work, there were posters announcing the fact that at 11:00am today, everything would stop, and we would have our two minutes of silence. "What a great idea!" I thought, and I arrived at work with a poppy on my uniform, ready to take part. In Saskatchewan, Remembrance Day is a holiday and I always go to the ceremony at the cenotaph but apparently in Ontario they don't really care about things like this for some reason because I guess it's not important anymore? I don't know. Anyways, I digress.
At about 10:55 I sat myself down in the office and started working on training programs, waiting for the music to go off in the gym to give me a cue that the moment of silence was taking place. But it never went off. And then I realized that everyone had already started because it was happening on TV. So I jumped up and stood with the others, waiting for someone to please for the love of god turn off the crappy dance hits music that plays endlessly every day, but no one did. So we all just stood there and paid our respects with Miley Cirus in the background letting us all know that there is a party in the USA over and over again. We get it Miley. There's a party.
And then, after the two minutes was over, everyone went back to their training. Until the people at the front desk realized that they had forgotten the moment of silence and somehow didn't notice everyone else in the gym standing with their heads bowed, so they decided to have the moment of silence at 11:15 instead and turned off all the lights and music and everyone else in the gym, who had done this once already, looked around at each other wondering what the hell was going on.
And then, as the topping of the Remembrance Day cake, the group exercise instructor came running out of the room where she was instructing a class, freaking out because SOMEONE TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TURN ON THE LIGHTS?
So that was pretty much an embarrassment for all Canadians everywhere.
** ** **
Speaking of embarrassment, my brother and I went out for lunch today to Wendy's which was not my choice but whatever, so he could give me my birthday present which he had forgotten to give me on the day I moved, and I'm eating one of their craptacular salads and I just start coughing in the middle of a bite and, I'm not even kidding, had probably one of longest, loudest coughing fits of all time. I have never coughed that long or that violently in my life. I'm guessing it went on for 10 minutes. And I couldn't catch my breath and I tears were running down my face and I was gagging and wheezing and people were watching me and probably cursing me because I had brought the plague to Wendy's. It was so fucking awesome and hardly embarrassing at all. And my brother just looked like he wanted to run away. And did at one point to get me another napkin. And then, after I was finally done, I could barely talk for fear of setting myself off again and was so exhausted that I could barely carry on a conversation. So the lunch ended a bit early. Which was, I'm pretty sure, a huge relief to my brother because that meant he no longer had to sit with the coughing freak. At Wendys. *I* was the freak at Wendys.
It was a very proud day for everyone.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
An exciting play by play of the first day in my new apartment!
- Get up at 8:30 am.
- Walk around the apartment and look at all the piles of crap and boxes and cleaning supplies.
- Go back to bed.
- Get up again at 10:30am.
- Eat a bowl of stale bran twigs because I have no food.
- Kill a wasp.
- Kill another wasp.
- Think I just stepped on a wasp in my bare feet.
- Almost pee.
- Realize it’s only my computer cord. Same thing.
- Decide I should probably get dressed seeing as the cable guy is coming soon.
- Get dressed.
- Start cleaning and unpacking.
- Kill another wasp.
- Realize wasps and probably lady bugs are coming from the patio umbrella currently sitting in my living room.
- Put patio umbrella on my balcony.
- No more wasps.
- Decide to tackle the kitchen.
- Find surprise gifts left in the drawers by the previous tenants.
- Cable guys come.
- Discover I get a DVR! Now I can watch even more TV!
- Take a break.
- Cough for about 25 minutes.
- Eat cookies.
- Continue with the kitchen.
- Hang out with friend who brought me dinner.
- Finish kitchen!
- Decide floors can wait until tomorrow.
- Sit.
THE END!
MY LIFE IS SO EXCITING!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Moved!
I can't sleep so I thought, hey, rather then go to bed and try to rest after moving all day while, at the same time, trying to recover from the Swine Flu, why don't I post? Why indeed.
So, the move went really well. It took quite a bit longer than I thought because we had less people than I had anticipated and, despite my best efforts, I was pretty useless due to the wheezing and frequent resting and the not being able to carry anything remotely heavy in an effort to avoid losing my breath and falling on my face, but, unfortunately, the fact that there were fewer people there meant that I had to do more so I just had to suck it up like a good little princess.
The people that did come, however, were great. One of my clients/friends from work actually brought her husband who didn't even know me AND he was sick. If it wasn't for them, I would probably be still moving right now at 1am. And also crying.
Anyways, I'm moved. And the place is great! So far. For the 5 hours that I've been here by myself. It's super big and really quiet and doesn't smell like rice. It's pretty much my dream home. No, it isn't. But it's still really awesome! I'm really excited to start unpacking and make it into my own place. I'm not as excited about the cleaning. Although I did manage to do some of it tonight before I completely ran out of steam. Baby steps, princess. Baby steps.
Before I left I had started to try and sell some of my stuff I never use online so as to try to ease the moving burden and, one of the items I was selling was the sweet battery powered lawn mower I bought last summer when I actually had a yard. I was beginning to think that I wouldn't sell it before I left when, lo and behold, some dude emailed me this morning. It's been super nice here lately so, much to everyone's surprise, lawns still have to be mowed but stores have already taken the lawn mowers off the shelves. Suckers.
So, this guy and his wife came at the very last minute to pick up the lawn mower and I gathered everything together so that, when they got there, I could just hand them everything and, when they arrived I showed them how to put the little key in the key thing and how to make the lawn mower start and I was all, "IT'S SO EASY!" and then I handed them one of the pieces that came with the lawn mower and I was like, "Now, THIS is....something....that goes....here....maybe....I'm not entirely sure what it does though." "Oh," he says, "that must be the mulcher." And I was like, "Yeah. Mulcher. And this trough thing is...also....a part....and..", "It goes on the side for the clippings," he says. And I'm all, "Right. I never use...things. Here!" And I shoved the bag in his face and stood there like a total girl who has never used a lawn mower before but I HAVE used a lawn mower before. I just never used the part things. And I knew how to take the bag off and he didn't so there.
Ok, I've entertained you all enough. I'm going to bed.
So, the move went really well. It took quite a bit longer than I thought because we had less people than I had anticipated and, despite my best efforts, I was pretty useless due to the wheezing and frequent resting and the not being able to carry anything remotely heavy in an effort to avoid losing my breath and falling on my face, but, unfortunately, the fact that there were fewer people there meant that I had to do more so I just had to suck it up like a good little princess.
The people that did come, however, were great. One of my clients/friends from work actually brought her husband who didn't even know me AND he was sick. If it wasn't for them, I would probably be still moving right now at 1am. And also crying.
Anyways, I'm moved. And the place is great! So far. For the 5 hours that I've been here by myself. It's super big and really quiet and doesn't smell like rice. It's pretty much my dream home. No, it isn't. But it's still really awesome! I'm really excited to start unpacking and make it into my own place. I'm not as excited about the cleaning. Although I did manage to do some of it tonight before I completely ran out of steam. Baby steps, princess. Baby steps.
Before I left I had started to try and sell some of my stuff I never use online so as to try to ease the moving burden and, one of the items I was selling was the sweet battery powered lawn mower I bought last summer when I actually had a yard. I was beginning to think that I wouldn't sell it before I left when, lo and behold, some dude emailed me this morning. It's been super nice here lately so, much to everyone's surprise, lawns still have to be mowed but stores have already taken the lawn mowers off the shelves. Suckers.
So, this guy and his wife came at the very last minute to pick up the lawn mower and I gathered everything together so that, when they got there, I could just hand them everything and, when they arrived I showed them how to put the little key in the key thing and how to make the lawn mower start and I was all, "IT'S SO EASY!" and then I handed them one of the pieces that came with the lawn mower and I was like, "Now, THIS is....something....that goes....here....maybe....I'm not entirely sure what it does though." "Oh," he says, "that must be the mulcher." And I was like, "Yeah. Mulcher. And this trough thing is...also....a part....and..", "It goes on the side for the clippings," he says. And I'm all, "Right. I never use...things. Here!" And I shoved the bag in his face and stood there like a total girl who has never used a lawn mower before but I HAVE used a lawn mower before. I just never used the part things. And I knew how to take the bag off and he didn't so there.
Ok, I've entertained you all enough. I'm going to bed.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Moving forward
Tonight is my last night in my basement bachelor suite. Tonight is the last night of the noise and the bugs and pressure washer blasts of heat from the ceiling vents. Tonight is the last night of living like a 21 year old college student.
Today ended one of the roughest weeks I've ever lived through. Last Friday I was diagnosed with the Swine Flu. I missed Halloween, I missed my birthday and I missed a week of work, which also means a week of pay, at a time when I can really not afford it. I also found out this week that something I thought was a sure thing was, in fact, not.
Today, however, is also the beginning. Today I settled out of court with my landlord and I will be released from my lease at the end of this month. Today I am no longer contagious and feeling better. Today I am moving forward.
Tomorrow I'll be living in a two bedroom apartment. I'll have a living room and a dining room and TWO whole bedrooms. Two. Bedrooms. Did I mention that? I will not be living under the family from hell. I will have the choice of TWO laundry rooms where I can go do laundry whenever I want. I'll have a balcony, underground parking, and controllable heat. I'll be living like an adult.
Tomorrow I'm not 34 and living in a bachelor suite watching TV online on a Friday night. Tomorrow I am 34 and making changes and living life. Tomorrow I will keep trying until the sure thing is a reality.
Tomorrow everything is new. I'm looking forward to it.
Today ended one of the roughest weeks I've ever lived through. Last Friday I was diagnosed with the Swine Flu. I missed Halloween, I missed my birthday and I missed a week of work, which also means a week of pay, at a time when I can really not afford it. I also found out this week that something I thought was a sure thing was, in fact, not.
Today, however, is also the beginning. Today I settled out of court with my landlord and I will be released from my lease at the end of this month. Today I am no longer contagious and feeling better. Today I am moving forward.
Tomorrow I'll be living in a two bedroom apartment. I'll have a living room and a dining room and TWO whole bedrooms. Two. Bedrooms. Did I mention that? I will not be living under the family from hell. I will have the choice of TWO laundry rooms where I can go do laundry whenever I want. I'll have a balcony, underground parking, and controllable heat. I'll be living like an adult.
Tomorrow I'm not 34 and living in a bachelor suite watching TV online on a Friday night. Tomorrow I am 34 and making changes and living life. Tomorrow I will keep trying until the sure thing is a reality.
Tomorrow everything is new. I'm looking forward to it.
Monday, November 2, 2009
The week of nothing
This week was supposed to be a really busy week. Sunday was the day of the big move away from the upstairs crazies. I had taken this morning off so the cable and internet guys could come in, then I was to meet up with the gals from work for a birthday lunch. I had taken Tuesday night off, which is my actual birthday, because I had arranged a birthday supper for me and a group of friends. The rest of the week was packed with my normal clients plus the clients I had to fit in from Monday morning and Tuesday night PLUS I had to get my court case together which was to happen on Friday.
And then I got sick.
Thursday I felt shitty, Friday I felt shittier, so Saturday I went to the doctor. I told him my symptoms and he told me that they were all symptoms of H1N1 which he was sure that I had. He said he would test me if I wanted but 99% of those tested with my symptoms came back positive for the Swine Flu. He also said I needed to stay away from people for 7 days from when I first started feeling sick and I especially shouldn't go to work because of my close interaction with my clients.
But I'm supposed to move on Sunday, I said. And it's my birthday. And I'm poor. I can't afford to not work for a week. I can't even afford to not work for a day.
It's up to you, he said. But I would highly recommend not moving or working until you've been better for 48 hours. At least.
So, I fought back tears, took the prescription, got the medication and some really expensive food from the pharmacy, and went home. And that's where I've been since then.
Things have so far worked out though. I contacted my asshole landlord saying that I wasn't going to be moving until the following Saturday and he really wasn't an asshole at all. He said my health was the most important thing and to let him know if I needed anything. I thought that was nice. I re-booked the U-Haul and most of the people who were going to help me move still can, with a couple of new additions. The cable people are coming on Sunday. The internet will have to wait a week but maybe I can steal someone else's in the meantime. My parents are going to lend me the money that will be missing from my paycheque. And now I have time to get my court case together so I will really kick ass on Friday. The only really crappy thing is I had to cancel both my birthday lunch and supper but I'm sure I'll live.
The best part though, has been all the well wishes and offers of help. My fever finally broke Sunday morning and I woke up literally soaking wet which was super gross but I also woke up to tonnes of emails and Facebook messages and phone calls from people asking how I was and asking if I needed anything. I even had one friend bring over some toilet paper because I had forgotten to get some when I was at the store. It's really been awesome. Being sick sucks and I feel like garbage but, whenever I feel lonely or down, I'm always going to think about this week and how many people were there for me when I needed them. It's a nice feeling.
And now a brief lecture: Don't go to work when you're sick. Especially now. It doesn't make you a hero. Also, cover your mouth when you cough. I actually had to ask a grown woman in the pharmacy who was coughing all over the soup to please cover her mouth for the love of god what's wrong with you you're an adult for crying out loud. KIDS cover their mouth. Most of them even use their arm like we're being told. She actually looked at me like it was something she never had really even considered. Now I'm not saying to join the panic in the streets about the Swine Flu and I'm not even saying go get vaccinated (if it was actually available) because I don't really care. All I'm saying is if you have flu symptoms don't go to work. And cover your mouth. That's it. Because this really isn't that fun and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Anyhoo, now I'm going to ask for your help! As I noted above, tomorrow is my birthday. Normally I really love birthdays. I love getting gifts and having cake and blowing out candles. I love the entire day being all about me even if it's just all in my head. When I was at home my mom would cook me whatever I wanted and make me whatever cake I wanted and, whenever I wasn't living at home, I would always go out for a birthday supper or birthday drinks or whatever. And to top it all off, I would always throw a big themed birthday party for myself to celebrate even further. Tomorrow I obviously can't do any of those things. But, rather than feel sorry for myself which I am wont to do on occasion, I'm trying to think of something to do here alone that I wouldn't normally do that is sort of celebratory to make the day special. At first I thought I would make a really good meal but I don't really have a lot of food nor do I have a lot of energy to stand for a long length of time. Then I thought I would order take out but I don't have a lot of money. Or any money really. So then I thought I would just lay around all day watching movies and eating cookies and chocolate but that's basically what I've been doing for the past 3 days so it wouldn't be that special. So, give me some ideas! What can I do?! You guys are smart.
Go.
And then I got sick.
Thursday I felt shitty, Friday I felt shittier, so Saturday I went to the doctor. I told him my symptoms and he told me that they were all symptoms of H1N1 which he was sure that I had. He said he would test me if I wanted but 99% of those tested with my symptoms came back positive for the Swine Flu. He also said I needed to stay away from people for 7 days from when I first started feeling sick and I especially shouldn't go to work because of my close interaction with my clients.
But I'm supposed to move on Sunday, I said. And it's my birthday. And I'm poor. I can't afford to not work for a week. I can't even afford to not work for a day.
It's up to you, he said. But I would highly recommend not moving or working until you've been better for 48 hours. At least.
So, I fought back tears, took the prescription, got the medication and some really expensive food from the pharmacy, and went home. And that's where I've been since then.
Things have so far worked out though. I contacted my asshole landlord saying that I wasn't going to be moving until the following Saturday and he really wasn't an asshole at all. He said my health was the most important thing and to let him know if I needed anything. I thought that was nice. I re-booked the U-Haul and most of the people who were going to help me move still can, with a couple of new additions. The cable people are coming on Sunday. The internet will have to wait a week but maybe I can steal someone else's in the meantime. My parents are going to lend me the money that will be missing from my paycheque. And now I have time to get my court case together so I will really kick ass on Friday. The only really crappy thing is I had to cancel both my birthday lunch and supper but I'm sure I'll live.
The best part though, has been all the well wishes and offers of help. My fever finally broke Sunday morning and I woke up literally soaking wet which was super gross but I also woke up to tonnes of emails and Facebook messages and phone calls from people asking how I was and asking if I needed anything. I even had one friend bring over some toilet paper because I had forgotten to get some when I was at the store. It's really been awesome. Being sick sucks and I feel like garbage but, whenever I feel lonely or down, I'm always going to think about this week and how many people were there for me when I needed them. It's a nice feeling.
And now a brief lecture: Don't go to work when you're sick. Especially now. It doesn't make you a hero. Also, cover your mouth when you cough. I actually had to ask a grown woman in the pharmacy who was coughing all over the soup to please cover her mouth for the love of god what's wrong with you you're an adult for crying out loud. KIDS cover their mouth. Most of them even use their arm like we're being told. She actually looked at me like it was something she never had really even considered. Now I'm not saying to join the panic in the streets about the Swine Flu and I'm not even saying go get vaccinated (if it was actually available) because I don't really care. All I'm saying is if you have flu symptoms don't go to work. And cover your mouth. That's it. Because this really isn't that fun and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Anyhoo, now I'm going to ask for your help! As I noted above, tomorrow is my birthday. Normally I really love birthdays. I love getting gifts and having cake and blowing out candles. I love the entire day being all about me even if it's just all in my head. When I was at home my mom would cook me whatever I wanted and make me whatever cake I wanted and, whenever I wasn't living at home, I would always go out for a birthday supper or birthday drinks or whatever. And to top it all off, I would always throw a big themed birthday party for myself to celebrate even further. Tomorrow I obviously can't do any of those things. But, rather than feel sorry for myself which I am wont to do on occasion, I'm trying to think of something to do here alone that I wouldn't normally do that is sort of celebratory to make the day special. At first I thought I would make a really good meal but I don't really have a lot of food nor do I have a lot of energy to stand for a long length of time. Then I thought I would order take out but I don't have a lot of money. Or any money really. So then I thought I would just lay around all day watching movies and eating cookies and chocolate but that's basically what I've been doing for the past 3 days so it wouldn't be that special. So, give me some ideas! What can I do?! You guys are smart.
Go.
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